Friday, June 26, 2009

A Blue Bell Canine-Alyst Goes To Hollywood

Hello to my dear reader friends,

Today I'm gonna tell you a story about Mr. Webster. Now if you ever needed a dictionary you already know who Mr. Webster is, cause he wrote the dictionary. Now everybody's got to have a dictionary, even writing dogs like me. Now my Mom got her dictionary out last week and she told me I'm not just a writing dog, I'm what you call a catalyst. Now Mom says I'm a catalyst cause I been giving Mr. Howard Kruse lots a good ideas bout making some Blue Bell doggie ice cream with my picture on the carton. And that's what catalysts do. They help other people think. Well I don't reckon Mr. Kruse needs no help thinking, since he's a right smart man and makes the best ice cream there is, but sometimes two brains get a better idea than one brain, so I don't mind sharing my thinking brain with Mr. Kruse.

And that's where Mr. Webster comes in. Now you see I can't really be a catalyst. I can't be a "cat" anything. Nope I'm a dog and dogs can't be cats. Now I reckon when Mr. Webster wrote that there dictionary he didn't know no thinking dogs like me. Cause if he did, he would a got the right word. You see I'm really a canine-alyst. Yes sirree, I am Miss Roxie Rottweiler, writing dog, thinking dog and canine-alyst. Now I reckon Mr. Howard Kruse's got to have himself a canine-alyst to make us some Blue Bell doggie ice cream, cause as smart as Mr. Kruse is, I don't much reckon he thinks like a dog. Now I heard humans say lots of times they work like a dog, but you see that's a lot different than thinking like a dog. We don't think like humans, and mostly we think humans need to listen to what we got to say.

Now if Mr. Webster had had himself a thinking dog, he wouldn't a needed to write no dictionary, cause humans wouldn't be needing a dictionary. See dogs know how to say everything with one word - bark. And when we don't bark, we just wag our tails. Now ain't that a whole lot simpler than using a thousand words to say I want some Blue Bell doggie ice cream. Course I still have to use all these words cause most humans don't know how to speak bark or tail wagging. It's pretty simple really and I could teach ya. Cause I'm a canine-alyst and well I can teach you lots of stuff.

Now you see, Mr. Howard Kruse really is gonna make some most delicious Blue Bell Dog Gone Good Vanilla Bone ice cream, some Blue Bell Pawlicious Peanut Butter ice cream, some Blue Bell Country Canine Cabob ice cream, and some Blue Bell Rottweiler Rocky Road ice cream, and it's gonna be the best and most delicious ice cream, even better than human ice cream, cause it's gonna have doggie vitamins. Even if it ain't in stores yet, he is gonna make it. Cause Mom told me when you have dreams, if you believe in them, they always come true. She says you can't just believe your dreams are gonna come true, you got to live like they already did, and that's how I know Mr. Kruse's gonna make us some most delicious Blue Bell doggie ice cream.

I got it all figured out - I do. You see when you start seeing the most delicious Blue Bell doggie ice cream in the stores, then you'll know my dream come true. Then we got to have Hollywood make a movie bout Mr. Howard Kruse, CEO at the Blue Bell plant and how he come to make doggie ice cream. You know why we got to have a movie. I'm gonna tell you why. You see right now being what you call a CEO is a real bad word. I don't reckon Mr. Webster knew about the word CEO either. Well, you see, being a CEO is what caused lots of people to lose their jobs and they ain't got no money. And, you see, some of them humans that lost their jobs had to give up their dogs cause they didn't have no money to take care of em no more. Only Mr. Howard Kruse is a good CEO. And that's why we're gonna put Mr. Howard Kruse and the Blue Bell plant in the movies. You see when Hollywood makes a movie about you the give you royal money. Now I reckon as important as Mr. Howard Kruse is, that makes him royal, and Hollywood can pay him lots and lots of royal money. And you can bet you humans sure would like to hear a story about a good CEO, and well, that's why everybody wants to see a movie about Mr. Howard Kruse, the good CEO.

Now when Mr. Howard Kruse and them nice workers at Blue Bell get themselves some royal money from being in the movies, well Mr. Howard Kruse can take that royal money and he can build new plants where people can't get Blue Bell ice cream, and he can make even more delicious doggie ice cream, and best of all, he can give people jobs that ain't got no jobs. And that's why Mr. Howard Kruse is a good CEO. He knows how to help people get jobs and he makes the best ice cream in the world, and best of all, Mr. Howard Kruse is gonna make me some most delicious Rottweiler Rocky Road ice cream with my picture on the carton.

Now Mr. Howard Kruse's good deeds don't just stop there, nope, he's gonna do even more good deeds. You see after he starts selling the most delicious Blue Bell doggie ice cream, well he's gonna get to know Best Friends Animal Sanctuary in Kanab, Utah. Now you see Best Friends is just about the biggest place in America to help homeless dogs, and they don't never kill no dogs like the dog pound. Nope, they give dogs forever homes, no matter how many troubles they got. And when all you nice folks buy your dogs the most delicious Blue Bell doggie ice cream, well Mr. Howard Kruse is gonna give one nickel to Best Friends for every one dollar he makes, and help all my homeless friends. Now ain't that a pretty good idea for a canine-alyst. You see Mr. Howard Kruse gets to spread Blue Bell ice cream around the world, he makes new jobs for people who need to work, and he shares his blessings with my friends who need homes, and everybody wins. And we all get to taste the joy of the most delicious Blue Bell ice cream anytime we want. Now what could be better than that. Best of all, Best Friends is gonna help Mr. Howard Kruse sell his doggie ice cream, and all my homeless friends get to the know the joy of a nice cold bowl of Blue Bell ice cream.

Now my dear reader friends, you got to do your part too. You got to tell Mr. Howard Kruse you need some most delicious Blue Bell doggie ice, cause it's gonna make new jobs for folks that need money, and it's gonna help save my homeless friends. Now don't you just want to sit yourself down with your best friend dog and eat some most delicious Blue Bell ice cream and know you're helping humans and my homeless friends with every tasty spoonful.

And that's what you call a canine-alyst.

Have A Blue Bell Day, Love Miss Roxie Rottweiler

No comments:

Post a Comment